ChristianDatingGuide.com - Christian / Non Christian Relationships?

Christian / Non Christian Relationships?

I have been in a relationship with a strong Christian for 3 months. She has just decided that it can't work. Why would you let that happen in the first place? I have enjoyed every second with her and have enjoyed learning about her faith. I just can't understand why we can't be together when our love for each other is so strong. Shes hurting as much as me, but claims she has no choice. Everyone has a choice in my opnion. I can't bare to think that my chance of happiness is being taken away. I might except faith at some point, but I just don't know. I've never met anyone like her, but can't just pretend to be a believer when it would be a lie. Canm anyone help or provide guidance. (You can probably tell im not too good at the moment and very worried, but totally in love)

Public Comments

if she has desided for you( no way, you can think for yourself) then let her go, her thoughts are not with you
You should try out religions, and see which one fits you best- and then when your a strong christian, call her back. Good Luck Peace out
I agree that she should have never gotten involved with you, if your religion wasn't compatible to hers. I hate the whole stay with your own kind bull crap and I say any religion that makes you alienate someone special is BULL!
She may come around. I grew up in a Christian church, and fell in love with a Jewish man, swearing that I would never marry him, but we did marry and he eventually converted. Even if she is not in your life, continue studying her faith - if you become a believer maybe she will take you back, but if you cannot become a believer maybe its for the best, because religion would become a sore spot between the two of you.
Tricky, this. If you really love her, you'll want to fight for her, so think about this carefully - is she really worth it? If so, then get your gloves on ...
Don't worry. I am a christian and wouldn't let that come between me and a relationship. Lots of people i have been out with have accepted it. If your girlfriend says it wont work out, prove her wrong. Tell her that all though you wont go to church or believe in god, it doesn't mean you don't love her.
U r really a genuine guy concerned over her feelings, invite her over a cup of coffee n try to prod exactly what pressures is she going through. Good things come to those who wait; Better things come to those who try. All the best
Hi there Being a Christian myself, I see the predicament you and your lady friend find yourself in. See, as difficult as this is to try and explain, I am gonna take my best shot! In the bible it says that believers should not be in a relationship with a non-believer (they call it being "unequally yoked") simply because it could (note...not would) cause the believer to stumble in their relationship with the Lord! I have to admit that I admire your honesty for not wanting to pretend something that you don't believe just to maintain a relationship. Hope this puts some perspective on your situation. S.
She said she cant be with you because you dont believe what she does? i married a christian and im not a believer so it can work!
It seems u both are adults and matured enough to take a decision. She knew that you are a non-christian before advancing and the progressing the love with you. If she has only one problem that you are a non-christian and not acceptable then tht's bullshit or avoiding you with trivial issues. There's no problem in your getting married if you both are truthfully willing and decided to get along throughout. Doesn't matter if her family doesn't agree with it. Ask her to provide a faithful and firm reply - whether, other than one issue, she is willing to marry you. Decide then let me know.
well obvously she has more strong feelings of her religion than you...nothing you can do to drive her away of fakeness like christianity...
why do people let religion stand in the way of love!!! it really annoys me, if your religion is saying love oneanother and every one is an equal, then what is the problem. if that is what she has chosen then i would move on. you cannot change a person, and more importantly do not chanfge yourself.
quite a dilemma,unfortunately i have'nt any advice for you but i wish you the best of luck
The Bible talks about being unequally yoked. Even in a relationship with two Christians, if one decides to stop pursuing growth in faith, a wall can develop. Something that is deeply important to the one person can't be shared on an intimate level. It also will color the choices that you make because the base set of values will be different. If you were to marry, then those differences become more pronounced. Good for you for not pretending. You are saving both of you a world of hurt. If you decide later that you do want a relationship with God in that manner, perhaps opportunity will rise again with her.
Oh, I read this and I really had to give some sort of an answer, although, I really can't give you anything that's going to help too much.. But.. I was brought up a Catholic, but following various bereavements and misfortunes etc, I kinda re-nounced it, sighting that god wouldnt let that happen..you know.. ANYWAY... I met my boyf in January and he told me he was a Christian, not only that, that he had unusual Christian practices, such as being Kosher (not eating pork!) not celebrating christmas...(we really go for it at christmas at home, presents, decs..you know-the lot!)And that his dad was a minister.. lol..no, he's not Jewish...! He told me in the past it had ruined and actually broken up relationships.. But I just dont care about those things... I went home and told my mum, she said.. Oh really.. well, Christmas is one day...compared to a life time...I wouldnt let it get in my way..And shes so right... I met his parents...terrified of what i'd be met with...They were lovely... He is lovely and neither of us would ever dream of letting it get in the way of our love.. I feel maybe, theres something else affecting her other than this..Cos my guy is a proper believer..Im getting there, under no pressure at all I might add...But I do occasionally let the odd 'oh jesus' out when I stub my toe..which he just laughs at and tells me off (light heartedly) I do believe in god now, because, I cant think how else this wonderful love could have come to me...But Its my choice...you're right not to accept it just to say it..and not mean it.. I think, talk to her, put across your point, listen to hers, but she's been unfair toying with you if this was ever an issue, she shouldnt have let it get to this stage... I think, you need to ask her the REAL reason... I think you'll find there's more than she's letting on...Im not saying its someone else..But maybe its pressure from family, her social circle, or just jitters... If you're really in Love-nothing will get in the way.... Just look at Romeo and Juliette! I really hope she's had time to think and you can carry on together, you sound so lovely and she's very lucky to have that in her life... xx
Hey, my best friend (his name is Craig too!) and his wife are in a similar situation. 1st I applaud you for not lying and paying lip service to a religion when you don't have the faith. My friend and his wife were VERY religious. About 12 years into their marriage, Craig became an atheist. Surprised EVERYONE including his wife! While it was a shock to everyone, their marriage is stronger than ever. Craig is highly intelligent and has strong moral convictions and did what he had to do. A very brave man, knowing what might happen to his family. His wife was devastated but stuck with him. They raised their children within the church, Craig respecting his wife's beliefs and letting the children do as they want. (or what his wife wanted anyway) Mutual respect for each others convictions works for them. The story here is morality and honesty won out over religion. His wife has accepted he's the same man she's always known and loved and that is what is important to her.
I can see you are hurting over this. There is no easy answer, as a strong Christian, her first duty, and probably her first desire is to obey the Lord. If he is telling her that she needs to be with a Christian, then that is the way it will have to be, its not a choice. She made her choice when she became a Christian and decided to follow Christ and do what he asks her to do, which He does for her own good. Perhaps she is getting pressure from her family or friends or her church, I think she should at least talk to you about why she has made this decision after three months. She decided to get involved with you, maybe she did not realise, or understand that Jesus requires us as Christians to marry other Christians so that we can develop our relationship with Him still further, as a couple, and ultimately as a family, this way, He is able to be at the centre of family life, it means we are able to take every issue to him as a couple, whether they be celebrations or problems, but as a Christian couple, we are strengthened beyond belief. As a Christian with a non-Christian partner, however much in love you are with each other, there will always be something missing. For her. You do not see that because you do not have your own personal relationship with the Lord, so you cannot comprehend what this means to her, only that you recognise it means a great deal. But as a Christian, if she stays with you, she has to ultimately be thinking of potential marriage, and if she marries you, God cannot join you properly as He cannot communicate with you the way He does with her. Faith is something which none of us can impart on another, she can talk to you about her faith until she is blue in the face, but she cannot make you believe, even though at the moment, I suspect you wish you did, then this would all be sorted. I hope that she can recognise how honest you are by saying you would not pretend to be a believer when it would be a lie, that is a quality we as Christians are taught to value and honesty is something we are taught to see within ourselves. You obviously love each other a great deal, and Jesus makes it quite plain that love is everything, that love can literally conquer everything. Ask her to pray for you. You say you have enjoyed learning about her faith, and that you one day may accept it, you just don't know. Believe me, if Jesus decides you need to become a Christian, you will not have a choice, you will just know you have to let Him in. But we all come to Christ in different ways. Some, its like a lightning bolt, and others it is more gruadual, some people need to learn much more about what life as a Christian entails before they can even entertain it. This is fine, God made us all different, each of us has qualities He created and likes in us. As much as you love this girl, you must understand her first love will always be the Lord, it would be yours too if you were a believer. He wants people to marry, to love each other, to nurture each other and to face life together with this love, guidance and help. It is a shame this happened in the first place, but perhaps she was not aware how hard it would be for her with that one ingredient lacking, and if something isn't right, it isn't right. Its not about what the church wants, or what her family want, though they may have helped her reach this decision, because God gives us free will, its just that we love Him and we want to please Him and we trust that He knows what is best for us. Ask to speak to her, or at least write to her and ask her, as a Christian, to take this whole issue to Jesus, and give the problem to Him, to literally lay the problem at the foot of His cross and wait for Him to guide her and for her to ask the Lord for serenity, peace, comfort and guidance for you both. As a strong Christian, this is how she will face her problems, if you were both Christians, you would understand how incredibly powerful this is, and how essential, you would also understand how it feels to walk in a state of grace with God and why it is so important for us to want to do His will. Rather like a child when they want to make their parents happy or proud of them, its the same warm feeling it generates. As a non-Christian you can understand how important it is to her. Ask her to do those two things, and in the meantime, it would not do you any harm if you went to church, and read the new testatment and started praying, aloud, to God to ask Him to give you guidance and to bless you and your love for this girl. If you do not believe, you have nothing to lose, you never know, you may have your girl, a blessed life and eternity to gain. You certainly have nothing to lose the way things stand, and if nothing else, she will understand just how seriously you take her faith and just how important she is to you, which may count for a huge amount at the end of the day. It is complicated, but she doesn't have a choice, if God is asking something of her, she will want to do what he asks, however painful, however much she would not make that choice without Him. However, she knows, that what God asks of us, does not test us for His benefit, but does so for ours, because God cares more about our personal development than he does about our comfort, and if He feels we have something of importance and value to learn, He will ask us to do things which make us hurt, and although we do not know His plan, we do know that ultimately it will be for our greater good. He does not want you to hurt, however you feel about Him, he loves you, lean on Him. Even if you don't believe he exists, its rather like inventing a machine to communicate with potential aliens, or sending radio signals into outer space, we don't KNOW that there is anything out there to communicate with, but we are prepared to take that chance, so spend some time trying to communicat with God, even if you don't KNOW he is out there. Its a lot to take in, but do ask her to do those two things for both of your sakes. I hope and pray that there is a beautiful outcome to this and that you and your lady are able to reunite and share not only the wonderful love you have for each other, but also that of God's blessing.
Why do people say that as a Christian we are given free will, but then contradict this by saying that she has no choice but to obey God's will???? Maybe her decision has nothing at all to do with her beliefs!! She may simply have decided that the relationship isn't right for her, for whatever reason. It might be that she can't stand some aspects of your personality and feels that you're incompatible as a couple. (theoretically!) Any couple has to be compatible if a relationship is going to last, and Christians expect a relationship to last for the rest of their lives you know, so it has to work out! My Mum is a strong Christian, but my Dad is an atheist, and they're still married after more than 25 years, so it can work out just tickety boo. I am a Christian. My ex husband was an atheist; in his case it caused our divorce. As a Christian I will never commit adultery, it is a sin that he committed against me, our children and God. Sometimes it makes me think I would rather re-marry another Christian, who I know would never cause as much suffering as my ex. But there are many people who would also never commit adultery or any other sin against me, who aren't Christian. Such as my Dad, for instance. Similarly there are "Christians" who do shameful things, such as my bigoted Grandmother, who thinks we shouldn't marry black people.... grrr! It is Jesus' words "Love Thy Neighbour" I'm referring to here. He doesn't merely mean the people next door, (!) He means people who are different, of different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs. Christianity is about accepting everyone, including those of other faiths and systems of belief, atheism included ;-) The fact that my Mum married an atheist means that my Dad can bask in the glow of God's love, even if he doesn't blooming well realise it!! (He should be thankful for that, because the alternative really is a pile of shite!) The fact that I married an atheist was detrimental to my faith unfortunately.... both situations are different. You say you can't bear that your chance of happiness is being taken away; apart from being a very selfish thing to say, the happiness that you share with a Christian also comes from God, which your girlfriend thanks Him/Her for all the time in her prayers, but as an atheist you do not believe S/He exists!! You say you can't pretend to be a believer when it would be a lie. This is very noble of you, I understand what you mean, but do you see a small dilemma there? You are denying yourself your own happiness!! Here is a simple fact that might amaze you: God is love. That is the foundation of my belief in God. No one can deny that love exists, and this is why it's foolish to deny that God exists! If you can fully understand this simple fact of Christianity, then everything will become so obvious you will kick yourself. And if you truly love your girlfriend it will work out between you, one way or another :-) I wish you luck, I hope you find the right path, and I hope it works out for you, there is a lot of good advice in here :-) Peace and best wishes :-)