Christian Dating Guide

Christian values in relationships?!?

Whilst I accept that my christian girlfriend wishes to wait to have sex until after marriage, I do not have to like it. How do I get her to enjoy a more relaxed relationship? We've been going out for about a year and so far I have put up with this ban, but I can't see the relationship developing without a greater degree of intimacy. eg even other activities other than sex would be an improvement? Is there any interpretation of the Bible that may support my point of view? Is there anything that could convince her that in your mid-twenties kissing and holding hands is not quite enough!? (We're both the SAME age.) Yes I believe, I am just alot more relaxed about these things than her. And yes, I should try to change someones opinion based on other views. If your view was that black people were evil - i shouldnt "let you be"! I should educate you and relax your view on the topic, so that you see that they are very nice people!! Same here - she has a view that needs to be educated and developed, I shouldnt just let her be!! I guess its all about moderate Christian views vs strict interpratation.

Public Comments

1. I think you're probably incompatible. Seriously. If you convince her to change for you, she will resent you for the rest of her life. If she doesn't change for you, you will resent her for the rest of your life.
2. Question is: Are you a believer? Because if not, then I have to question why she's with you to begin with. I'm sure she knows that this is called "being unequally yoked".
3. how do you get her to? just leave her be..that's her decision and if you don't like it...leave her alone and let someone else come into her life that she really deserves. if you respected her decision like you claim you do..you wouldn't find tricks to get her to do sexual activities with you.
4. If you truly loved her you would not be pressuring her to have sex and respect her beliefs.
5. If you love her, you should understand and respect her reasons for wanting to wait. Whether someone chooses to wait for religious, emotional, or health reasons -- WHATEVER -- no one should be forced into sexual activity before they're ready. Age should not be an issue here. Edit -- Her view on abstinence is neither immoral or harmful to other people. Therefore, there is no reason to attempt to change her view. If you can't accept someone for who they are, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
6. If you love her, respect her values. It's as simple as that. Even if her reasons for not wanting to develop your relationship weren't religious, she'd *still* be entitled to feel that way. Frankly, I feel sorry for her. She probably has no idea her boyfriend is on Y!A asking people for advice on how to coerce her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
7. Sorry, can't think of any Bible verses that condone immoral activity. If you love her you will respect her feelings and beliefs. My grandfather once told that you can never expect anyone to change for you, if she stays the same for next 10 years will you love her then? 25 years? 50 years? If you can't answer yes to all of those maybe you have not found Ms. Right yet. My grandparents were married for 73 years. I have been married for 25, and i still love and respect my wife, even her little quirks.
8. Let me get this right, you want to coerce her into sex? And you hope that there is some type of Christian hermeneutic that would help you to do so. Even if I knew one I wouldn't share it with you. You don't deserve a girlfriend who has enough self-esteem to save herself.
9. you are NOT in a relationship, you are in a friendship. a relationship involves intimacy, anything short of a loving sexual relationship is a farce. there is nothing short of sharing sex with someone you care about to create that form of intimacy. if you intend to wait, you will feel hurt later and you could even end up in divorce. sexual compatibility is a very important factor in people, if you find out you two are not sexually compatible then you will have problems in your marriage. the typical cry of "it will all work out" is baloney. people shouldnt' stay together just to be miserable. my advice is explain how you feel to her, tell her and break it off with her if she isn't willing to have sex. sex might not be the only thing in a loving relationship that is important, but it is an essential part of it. otherwise tell me how different is this relationship from one of your friends- not at all. EDIT: I think you should try to change her views, i she loves you she will be willing to and you will be willing to compromise. that is the basis for any relationship's sucess, she needs to recoginze YOUR needs and she needs you to recognize HERS. if you can't do that then you shouldnt' be together. it really is that simple. I think it is not unreasonable to compromise as to have sex at the point you are in because you are obviously in a serious, exclusive relationship- my opinions might be unpopular here because you have a bunch of uncompromising people that don'/t realize that religion and a book written over 1000 years ago can't exist in a vaccum and must be made to realistically mesh with the real world of today. grown ups make grown up adult decisions and determinations, children live by hard and fast rules. EDIT2: when you look at it this actually goes far far deeper than sex, this is a reflection of her being able to recognize and meet your needs and vice versa, which is important not just in the essential sexual nature of a relationship, but in ALL aspects of a relationship, if she is so uncompromising here- regardless of the reason for it, then she will be in other areas. IMO- you have compromised by waiting for so long and have more than adequately shown you are in a serious comitted relationship (unless there is something you haven't mentioned).
10. You need to ask yourself do you love her, that you may want to marry her? If yes, then be patient if no ,it's time to move on. Don't force the subject and make her do what she just isn't ready to do. respect her and her beliefs.
11. There is no exception! Sex before marriage is wrong. You are looking at this all wrong (of course from a male perspective.) :) This isn't a punishment, this isn't something she is holding against you personally. This is a committment she has made that would apply to anybody. You should recognize her committment and praise her for being strong. Perhaps she is longing for this also, but you don't see her whining about it. Be mature. The whole point of waiting is to learn more about each other and commit to each other first. Explore each other's likes and dislikes, make sure you're a agood match first. have you talked about children? have you talked about your future? These are things you have to discuss before having sex, before marriage. That is why you wait. Either grow up and be a man and support her decision, or let her find a better man and go sleep with someone else who doesn't have such high standards.
12. No there isnt. sorry. from a man to man point of view. i think you havent dumped her because she hasnt done anything with you. if you arent planning on being with her till death do you guys apart its better if you just stop the relationship,
13. You guys are soo incompatable. SHe needs someone who has similar beliefs. Thats awesome of you to wait this long for her. But If you feel this way you should let her find her soulmate. Dont mess up what she has going for herself.THeres is nothing IN THE BIBLE that will support you. SORRY buddy.
14. im a chrsitian and i had sex before marriage.give it then i didnt go to church or care,but i did and i dont think im going to hell for this.if thats the way she feels then u cant change that.i hear where ur coming from though,i have to go 15 months with out sex and believe me its going to suck,ive made it 1 month tomorrow. 14 more to go!!! my hubbys deployed. back to the question,try massages,wrestling,tickling,there is more physical activities other than sex.give it u probably wont get off.
15. The Bible does not apply to you... the "rules" in The Bible may only be imposed upon those who willingly submit to them... also... you demonstrate a lack of respect for you "girlfriend" by ploting to undermine her "beliefs"... however... no one of The True Christian Faith would even "date" one not of The Faith... it is against The Word of God to even concider marriage to one not of The Faith... Given your lack of respect for your Girlfriend I hope she does come to see the truth of you and escapes from your tempting... also I hope she does come to know The Truth of The Word and Will of God for her and obeys God's Word regarding "relationships" between Man and Woman.
16. personally I do not think you are he right person for this girl. I suggest you let her be so she can find someone who believes in what she is. And you need find someone on the same length as you. This relationship is doomed.
17. You should really love her and respect your girlfriend for wanting to keep herself pure until marriage. She seems like a very sweet and wise young lady. There is not one word in the Bible that will support your point of view. Hebrew 13: 4 states: Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled: but whore mongers and adulterers God will judge. If you really love this young lady then you will abide by her wishes and wait for marriage, but if all you want is sex, then I would advise you to look for someone who is not trying to live for God. Stop trying to justify you lust by the Bible.
18. If you have to somehow convince a girl to have sex with you, then something is horribly wrong. If you cannot somehow get her to want to and it be her idea, then welcome to the North Pole, cause you aren't getting any.
19. Take a cold shower. ;) That's not Biblical, by the way; just a suggestion. If you truly love her then you would respect her and not be trying to find a way to alter her beliefs. What if you get your way and have sex? What if she's a virgin and the experience is awful for her? First of all, she will be afraid of sex and may have a hard time enjoying it again. Secondly, what if she regrets having sex and is so overcome with guilt that she falls into a depression? What if she says, "that's it, no more!" and then your relationship is destroyed? What does she do when she gets married later on and has a hard time enjoying sex with her spouse because you convinced her to just do it? Perhaps thinking about her rather than yourself would be helpful. If you truly love her, you'll wait. If you just want to "get yours" and don't care how you have to manipulate her in order to do so, let her go. What if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you want someone to try and manipulate you into abandoning the things you believe in just for sex? Update: You are equating modesty and virtue with racial prejudice...are you kidding? As a believer you should know then that you are called to love God completely and love your neighbor as yourself; as Christ loves you. How are you showing love for God or your girlfriend through your impetuous behavior?
20. If you really want to be more intimate with her, spend more time talking to her and getting to know her. Also based on your question it sounds like she is the more relaxed one,not you. You're the one stressing over sex and probably stressing her out over it. Just relax and enjoy her for her. Don't ruin a good thing just because you have self-control issues.
21. If you truly love her, then respect all her wishes.
22. you are blowing it...you are self centered concerned about your own needs..she is willing to marry you and be a life partner and give you all the sex you want then...you know if you start getting her to say lets for to third base your frustratio0n will only grow as you got that much closer and hotter without release...her walk with God is her strength...the very charecture in her that attracts you to her you want her to compromise...love is selflesss and willing to sacrafice...if you give something up and complain and moan about it you havent any credit ...you would be better off dumping her and letting her find someone who cherishes her and her values just as she is..you will be jealous of God always...unless you put God first in youor own life....either you will get on her page or you will drag her down to your page...Obeying God from a pure heart has its own rewards...if youl ove her respect and honor her...
23. Well, obviously the first concern here is your walk with the Lord. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? You know what the Bible says about premarital sex but you don't want to keep your *** in your pants and obey His Word. So the first question here is whose are you- yours or His? As far as the other kinds of affection, the teaching of the Bible that really matters is about your heart attitude. If your heart attitude is to try opening her up to progressive affection as a means of working up to sleeping with her, then the above advice about exercising self-control applies. If you genuilnely care about her and wish to express your feelings affectionately, then the teaching of Scripture is to stay away from any activity that arouses desires that you can't fulfill righteously. So, again, the idea is not to work your way up to sleeping with her, your fulfilment is not the object here. To that end, it is worth asking your girlfriend why she takes such a conservative stance about physical affection. Two things to consider: 1) If this is an attitude that pervades other areas of her life, you need to ask yourself if you are okay with other (non-sexual) peculiarities of her personality that you may not know about but that may hinder you from being happy with her in the future, possibly if you did get married. 2) If her conservatism is a defense mechanism of some sort to cover over a fear of hers about expressing herself sexually, then getting married won't solve anything other than vastly increasing the ground that she is not covering. Sex is a celebration within a Biblical marriage, and if she can't or won't celebrate with you then she may be intimating that by her behavior that is geared towards attracting someone similary inhibited. If you are not as inhibited now, will you want to deal with her inhibitions later? A lot of folks will use the "righteousness" of physical inhibition in romantic relationships (promoted in books by Elizabeth Eliot, Joshua Harris, and others) as a defense mechanism or a justification for frigidity. Others are defending themselves from past experiences that are affecting their openness. I encourage you to find out why she is the way she is. Even if you were both Christians, a serious attitude difference is possible in significant areas like this without offending the Lord, and I encourage you to be open to the clues. Talk to people older than you who know her and learn what you can about her.
24. It's hard to change those values once they are in the heart, i would say wait for her as is, it'll still pay off in the long run.