Christian Dating Guide - Needing good Christian advice...?

Needing good Christian advice...?

I know divorce is a sin, but I can't stand my husband anymore. We have been married 3 years. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter. My husband is not involved in our lives. He plays his video games all the time instead of interacting with us. He doesn't have any paitience for our toddler(yells at her over the smallest stuff), and sometimes even pushes her away. He blames me for everything bad that happens to him. He has even told me that I need to give up all my friends for him. I feel like his maid most days than his wife. He has even started yelling at some of my family when I'm not around. He has become rude and disrespectful. He was never like this when we were dating. I don't want to be around him anymore. And every time I try to tell him how I feel, he somehow manages to throw a big guilt trip on me for feeling the way I do. Please help me! when I say he wants me to give up my friends, it means he wants me to give them up completely. It's been a few years since I've seen most of my friends because we moved. He just doesn't want me to have any friends at all.

Public Comments

Communication is the base of relationships. If he does not respond, try telling him you are going to a councellor and would like him to come too. Follow through with this idea, whether or not he comes along. It would help you resolve your position.
seek professional guidance.. with your husband his actions are classified as abusive... he needs to get help... if he does not seek help.. or refuses it.. then you need to remove yourself and your children from that environment... verbal abuse can easily turn into physical abuse.
That's no situation to raise a kid. Get out of it. I'm sure God would understand. Remember, ask yourself WWJD....What Would Jim Do?
First of all...It is not a sin to divorce him..the bible says if you divorce him it would be on grounds of him commiting adultery...and then it would be allowable to re-marry...if you divorce him for irreconcilable difference then ..in the word you are allowed to leave 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. Then it is a matter between you and God whether it is allowable to re-marry My question is when you were dating or at any time did your husband except christ into his life or was he supposed to be saved?..because it sounds like he is not surrendered to the Lord...those are hard situations because then ...you have to be the one in the marriage who has to be praying and strong in the Lord for him... How old are you both?...because I know what it's like to be a gamer..one who's focus is on the next best game ..if he is older and a little maturehe will eventually slow down ..and focus on responsibility....Prayer and counseling should be done and sought with your pastor... Finally ...Just so that you know according to the bible the mans role is to follow the example set by Jesus for marriage...OK so you sa ..Jesus was not married...and your right ..I don't even think about the foolishness of davinci...Buton the spiritual plain Jesus DOES have a bride right now....US we are the bride of Christ and what jesus did for us was lay down his life for his bride ...knowing that she was not a perfect woman..and needed deliverance..and all the bible says about us ...but He did anyway because he loved us...like wise you are the bride ..and he is(hubby) a type of Christ so he needs to fill his position..the fact that he may not have a relationship with Jesus means...How bad do you want this marriage to work??...if you want it to since you do have a child together..means you will have to stand in the gap for him...let God use you ..to be praying..seeking Him..for guidance..and it may be you will have to seek your pastor alone...but God is able to do the work...I know he can...don't give up...because God can and will see you through...God bless
Marriage counseling perhaps your pastor would be able to assist in getting the appropriate help.
We're living under Grace now..God does not want you to stay in a marriage where you are unhappy. You won't benefit from this and neither will your child.
I would talk to your pastor/reverend and ask about marital counseling. (((hugs))))
Sin is just a word invented by man. Of course, if you believe sin is real, you may feel guilty. That is up to you.
As a Christian woman, you have no choice but to obey your husband. He is the head of the household and it is his duty to rule over everything. You should accept your God given role and do the best you can to make his life as wonderful as you can. Just kidding, get a lawyer, take half this idiot's stuff and run.
Divorce him... its not a sin. Divorce yourself from religion too, you will see life is better and makes much more sense when you don't spend your time fearing an imaginary god.
Marriage counseling....how utterly simple. Can't Christians think?
The first thing would be to try to get him into therapy. Actually you both need to go to therapy. I understand that you don't even want to be around him anymore but you must realize that you asked for Christian help. If you decide to get a divorce in the end, you can never get married in the church again unless your divorce comes from infidelity. I pray therapy works for you both.
He needs some Christian counseling. If he refuses to go, then you need to come to a decision about your feelings for him and he needs to do the same because there is a child involved. if he becomes violent or exibits any maor behavioral changes, LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY! I hope he does offer to go to the counseling; it'll remind him of his place as the head of the family and the example and leader that he needs to be. Hopefully, he'll remember that he's supposed to be a real man to you and your little girl. My prayers are with you.
christians give good advice? thats cute but if you feel its a sin then fine get a divorce its not like god really gives a crap about humans anyways
Doesn't sound like you have any grounds a christian woman can use to get divorced. That said you should know that there is nothing making you live with him. You can move out away from the emotional abuse and have your own place. He will still be responsible for the support of your daughter. You would have to understand though you wouldn't be dating other people. You life would rotate around your home, your daughter, and your job. But you would be able to live in peace..
Is your husband a Christian? If you have a pastor, I suggest going to him for counseling. If your husband wont go, you could at least go and get Godly counsel on how to handle this. Don't take advice from answers on major life decisions - you don't know if they're giving you Godly advice or not. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hugs and Prayers.
My parents are/will be divoricing. My dad is Catholic and my Mom, me (14), my sister (9) and my brother (5) are all Methodist. My dad is always at work, doesn't want my mom to have any friends either, has a strong temper, and can be very selfish. They have been married for 16 years and he has been like this for a good 13 years. My mom has prayed and prayed about it. I believe God wants my mom and you to be happy. He does not want to see his children suffer. My advice to you is to just pray about it and tell God that you trust him to guide you to the right choice. Before you jump right into the divorce, ask God to love your husband through you. It saved my friends parents' marriage. God Bless and I pray that everything goes well.
GET OUT. im a kid. i grew up like your toddler. don't make her go thru that. is your hubby a Christian? he ain't acting like one... Yes, divorce is wrong, but paul did do some writings about marriage. I don't know the references off hand. LOOK THEM UP. at the very least, get some serious christian counseling w/ hubby, and pray about all of this. I believe that in the scriptures there are provisions for divorcing a non-believer if you are a believer, but if he's not a Christian, you never should have married him in the first place. plz mail me!! mck_meg@yahoo.com
Your husband needs deliverance from the devil. I suggest that you seek marriage counseling from a certified Christian councilor. Divorce should be the last resort. If you have a pastor, get counseling from him also. If you do not have a pastor, then find one that will be sympathetic to your situation. and as always, pray without ceasing. Be as forgiving and loving to him as possible. When he acts, do not overreact. I know that these situations can be difficult and it is easy for me to sit here and write all this stuff to you, but I do not know what else to tell you other than what I just have. Jesus loves you and he wants your marriage to succeed. I suspect that the video games are at the center of the outward problem. If he can let go of that demon, then he will have come a long way to being delivered. Do not hound him about it, though. It is a decision that he must come to himself.
Counseling - even if he does not want to go; you go.
#1 get rid of the video games and grow up #2 talk to your pastor about the situation #3 stop being his maid It seems like he has an addicition to the video games and needs to live in the reality world for a while, here are some symptoms and sites that may help you; http://www.vifamily.ca/cft/media/media.htm Parents and teachers often comment that "kids become absolutely wired" when absorbed in video games. Now, there's a scientific study which confirms that observation. In a study conducted at the Cyclotron Unit of Hammersmith Hospital in London, Dr. Paul Grasby and his fellow researchers determined that playing video games triggers the release of dopamine in the brain. The researchers discovered that dopamine production in the brain doubles during video game play. The increase of the psychoactive chemical was roughly the same as when a person is injected with amphetamines or the attention-deficit disorder drug, Ritalin. This is the first hard evidence that video game playing is addictive, "the equivalent of a dose of speed." From: http://www.computeraddiction.com/ Psychological Symptoms of computer addiction are: Having a sense of well-being or euphoria while at the computer Inability to stop the activity Craving more and more time at the computer Neglect of family and friends Feeling empty, depressed, irritable when not at the computer Lying to employers and family about activities Problems with school or job Another article about gaming addiction is at: http://pigseye.kennesaw.edu/~tbennet1/ Good luck and God bless you
how about you change everything about yourself.
Your husband is verbally abusive and even a slight bit physically abusive, if he is pushing a 2-1/2 year old around. God would not want you to stay in that type of relationship. If your husband is a believer as well, I suggest both of you talk with the head of your church. If he is not a believer, you should talk to the head of the church. And remember, God forgives all sins if we just ask. So if you feel you need to get out of this relationship do it, God will forgive you.
I know divorce is a sin, as a Roman Catholic myself I had my marriage annulled because my husband is a philanderer and immature. I wasn't married in the Church, for one. Your situation is a hpeless one because your husband is immature, as you have stated here. It wouldn't be a sin to have a divorce, it would be a sin if you have taken the wrong turn to justify your situation. Talk to a counselor first to resolve, if still uncooperative then divorce is your ultimate thing to do. Being disrespetcful to your family is a disrespect to your being as well. Talk to him and see!! Good luck!! LN
I feel that all relationships go through trial and error. If there is any love left in the relationship i feel you should seek counseling. Sometimes if that is not affordable than treat him the way he treats others. maybe that will open his eyes. Sometimes we do need to let go of our friends for awhile. they understand with marital situations. if they are friends they always will be. try to see what is really bothering him. Sometimes men lurch out with there mouth and not with there heart. It takes some time for them to soften up. keep trying to communicate, but in the mean time come back with remarks as well to put him down a few pegs. no one should be treated badly because we only have one life and what we decide to do with it while we are here is totally up to us. If you love him.....just try to have patients and lots of back bone. good luck This is my second marriage. have been married now for 13 years. he is a good man but it took lots of arguments and time.
Questions like yours are exactly the problem with Christianity. The correct choice for both your own happiness and your child's welfare is obvious. But because you have abdicated your decision making to some ancient text written for another culture, you find yourself confused. If you want to do the Christian thing, you should stay. You will be unhappy and miserable for the rest of your life, but that's OK because Jesus wants you to be miserable while on Earth. But you'll be rewarded in heaven.
are you both Christians? the thing to do is to go to your pastor and talk to him about this situation and try to get counseling for you and your spouse. your spouse will probably not be willing to go for counseling, so the thing to do is to make him move out or for you to move out. if he says he wants you back, then insist on counseling, and start the counseling while living apart. only move back in together when he starts making progress. but you do need a good Christian counselor and need to heed what is said. only when your husband demonstrates that he will not change, that he will not love and respect you as the Bible says he should, etc. should you leave and divorce him. it sounds like he has issues that he needs to work through, issues that make him have a low self-esteem so he strikes out at you and your child.
Divorce is not the sin remarriage is. I would first look at our marriage and see if there is anything I have been doing wrong. Many times I find in my own marriage that we argue more when I try to boss and lead. Do you ignore him? Do your care for the house? Do you blame him for everything in your life gone wrong too? I found that by changing myself I caused my husband to change. We had similar problems and a wonderful book called "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Martin was a big help. I truly believe it saved our marriage. You can't change him only yourself. There is sometimes the need after doing everything you can to excuse yourself from the situation. Such as when abuse is involved. Peace Be With You, Debra
Ohhh, you poor thing. First, stop blaming yourself. Second, acknowledge that he might be having emotional problems, or he may have a chemical imbalance that you were previously not aware of. The other possibility, of course, is that things will only get worse because he's an abusive jerk. The Bible does say that you're supposed to obey your husband. But it also says that your husband is supposed to be kind to you. He isn't holding up to his half of the agreement, from the sound of things. Next time he starts in, pick up your daughter and leave. Go to a friend's house, or a family member. Don't say a word, just leave. After an hour or so, go ahead and call him. Steel yourself though, make your voice as cold as possible and just ask him, "Are you done?" If he starts yelling, hang up on him. If he doesn't yell, tell him very firmly something like this: "You had better NEVER speak to me like that again/treat our daughter like that ever again. You are not acting like the man I fell in love with at ALL, and this is unacceptable. Now listen to me. If you love me, and you love our daughter, we can work this out. We'll go to counseling, we'll pray together, we'll do whatever we have to do to make this work. But if you're not willing to hold to YOUR half of the agreement, I see no reason to hold to mine. Are we clear?" If he starts yelling, hang up on him. Wait another hour. Try again. The hour is to serve two purposes: 1) Make him cool off, blow off some steam without you there. That will get you and your daughter out of harm's way JUST IN CASE. 2) It'll show him your strength and resolve. 3) He just may realize what his behavior will cost him. My husband has an anger problem too, and he did some things that toed the line on abuse. But I did that to him, and now he's just as sweet as can be most of the time. When he's not, all it usually takes to straighten him out is a LOOK. I'm not saying it WILL work for you, but for men like that...sometimes you have to scare them by showing some backbone. As others have said, try counseling. If he won't go, go without him. Be strong. I'll pray for you.
Well, I would ask him what he thinks about having a regular family bible study. Both of you sit down and go over a topic. Some topics to start with would be: Jesus' life Adam and Eve Noah Marriage life. I wouldn't pounce on him with studying about marriage until you have one study under your belt. Explain to him that you want to raise your daughter to be a good Christian and both parents need to be a good example. when you get to the marriage study, go over the book of 1Timothy. It details how husbands, wives and children should act. Let him know you want to respect his headship of the family and don't want to overstep what God has outlined. In conclusion, try to go to the scriptures first, then if that doesn't work then a counselor is needed. Above all Pray.
Get out. I was in a similar situation for several years. It took him telling me that i was crazy for not wanting to have a threesome with him and an ex girlfriend then spending the night of our anniversary with her to see him for what he really was. When i finally left him and stayed away my daughter told she was so glad to see me happy again.
At the time of marriage he took 'vows' before the Lord to commit himself to you in all ways, and vice versa. If, at the time the vows were given, he was lying (mouthing the words), you are not in any way responsible for his lack of commitment, or his lies. He fooled you, but not the Lord, when he pledged his love, honor, and respect to you. Think back on his vows given to you. Is he upholding them? If not, then you are living a lie given by him, and it's up to you if you choose to live that lie with him.
Divorce is only accept if it is because of adultery you married him for better and for worse try and get some canceling if you were to separate which sounds like you are pretty close it but not divorce he might see how much you really mean to him this situation you should get counseling on he will always be apart of your life you have children together Pray God gives you peace ask God to give you direction and strength to make the right choice's through out your days don't listen to verbal abuse repay bad with good I know with God's Help you can rise above this and God will help you if you ask him find a church get involved with a church start living your life out side of a personal hell get involved in some kind of support group he may not want you to but you have to do what is good for your soul and your child you can not save this man or can he save himself but you can pray for him and there is power in prayer and don't stop praying the devil may tell you praying don't do no good that's because it breaks his grip on your family and he doesn't want that constantly pray it doesn't have to be loud it can be in a whisper God will hear you. God Bless You Always.
God divorce Israel... Jer 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. If he is not a provider: 1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. You have to take a step into what you think is best for your children and you. Pray for guidance in Jesus' name Repent in Jesus' name and your sins will be forgiven. Don't bring up those sins again. Once God has forgiven your sins, it is gone for good. Pray, pray, pray.
Don't divorce him. Study the Word, Bible, for guidance. This is not a reason to get divorced. Love is a commitment NOT a feeling. You will not always be happy with one another but that is not a reason that God will accept for divorce. There are 2 reasons that God says you may get divorced; 1) If he cheats on you, or 2) If he is a non-christian and HE divorces YOU. If you a Christian you are my sister, i will pray for you, but must lean on God and draw your strength and joy from Him. Persevere and you will be MUCH happier with your marriage then you will ever be with leaving him. If you love him, your husband, and Him, King Jesus, who makes the rules for us Christians, you will stay. Much love and God bless
Maybe he does not know that he has "checked out" from his family. Do you have a church or a supportive group of friends to talk to? Does he have anyone that he trusts or talks to? If so, talk to that person see if they can help. I would try harder to resolve this situation and work things out. Find out your issues in this situation. Get help with your part. Remember your vows.....for better or for worse.....things dont always "get fixed' instantly. Let your faith and vowed commitment carry you through these difficult times. We live in a" disposable" society. That mentality carries into relationships and marriages. Hang in there unless you or your daughter are in danger. Remember you do have a part in this on some level. Find it out ! Here is an oppurtunity to love your husband unconditionally. That can only be done with continued support in your faith. Build him up....remember that guy you married? Talk to him as if he is still that guy. Tell him he is that guy. Tell him alll of things he is and can be that you cannot see right now. Focus on all of the good and stay there. Give him time give yourself time. You may just win him over. Its's working for me! Hang in there! God bless!
Flip side for me. I've gotten over my video gaming while I need to be taking care of the kids. I'm not the best man around, but I've learned my priorities and am dependable. I've been married 25 years and now am assisting with my 1 year old grandson too. (Mine are 22,19,10,8) I had an abusive father (depressed from having leukemia) so I've also taken the stand I'm NOT going to be that way. I recognize when my temper is flairing up and have enough sense to send the defensless to another room, crib or what ever applies. It will hurt them less to cry for no reason then to cry from my stupidity. After awhile, I calm myself down and go through the needs list: Hungry, Tired, Soiled, Bored, etc. and figure out what needs to be done. I then play with them until either I am relieved of duty or they go to sleep. After ALL of my chores are done and if I have any energy left, then I do some fun things. Ask him what kind of kids does he want them to grow up to be. Don't make any accusations of the example he is setting, but let him just think about it. If he is getting worse instead of accepting his responsibility and tolorating the situation as I did, I suspect there is something else going on with him. Nuf said. Now for the rest of the story.... My wife is still a bitch and if I could afford it, I would get a divorce and let her hire all the private tutors and nanny's she thinks she needs to raise them the way she sees fit. I love her, but I can't stand her bitching. I have no ambitions of getting anyone else either. This is one reason I recommend to the lonely, don't rush it, find something YOU like to do, then find others that like doing the same thing and there you will find someone compatible. If you want to save this marrage, you will have to find the things that the both of you used to like to do. Find a trustworthy babysitter and do that thing once a week. Help him to love you again and confide in you what is really bugging him. It was my mistake to marry someone and pretend to become the person of her dreams instead of being myself all of the time. If that is the case for him, identify it now before you have more kids and responsibility. I'm sorry to be so blunt but sometimes the Church tends to look the other way or just throw scripture at you. Neither will solve anything. I hope you can learn something from my successes and from my failures. Best wishes.
Wow. Please don't give up on your marriage. I have read your other questions and you seem to be where my wife and I were 4 years ago, especially with the bi-p thing. Shoot me an email if you want to, but make sure to try to get him stabilised first before you get to the point of splitting up. You can work it out.