Christian Dating Guide

Christian dating..?

So.. here's my dillemma.. I'm single now.. have been for two weeks, not ready for another boyfriend but I'm thinking about the future.. I'm a christian and I'm struggling with the fact christians should date christians.. please don't abuse me for that, just respect that's my belief.. But I don't know what to do, because I'm not like other christians. I don't like preachy christians or controlling goody goody one's. I'm just normal, but believe in God and do my best to do the right thing. So I don't think I'll be happy with any of the christian guys I've met because they're.. SUPER christian. What do I do? I don't want to be alone. I'm 18, and I would love to be engaged at 21.. I reckon I'm gonna TRY to take at least a year off to just find myself and enjoy being single. But yeah.. so at 19/20 I'm worried about not finding someone.. I don't live in the city either.. towns population is about 15000. By the way for whoever it was who mentioned soul mates.. sorry I've forgotten your username.. I don't believe in soul mates.. I believe when you marry someone they BECOME your soul mate through marriage. Because I believe if your partner dies you can remarry (although if I'm old I probably wont remarry) So how can you have just one person out there for you? I don't believe in soulmates, you can.. but just letting you all know I don't so when answering that can help you a bit more. I'd love to be engaged so young because I want to have my children in my mid twenties. I don't want to have children in my 30's.. that's just too late for me. I know I'm 18, but I'm not 18 mentally, and tend to go for guy a couple years older than me. And I don't think in the now, I think in the 10 years from now, I know I could meet someone at 20 and be engaged at 21. I want to be single for a while. I'm just afraid of the future. How many times will I add additional details, you may ask lol I'm not in a rush to marry anyone.. if I'm 21 and we a fella and I wasn't 100% sure of marrying him, I wont marry him in the hopes "Meh, at least I'll be married" I'm not dumb. So PLEASE stop saying stuff about the being engaged at 21.. That's the age i'd like to engaged at. Not the age I HAVE to be engaged at. I know exactly what I want in life. And wont settle for less just because I want to be married. All I'm saying is.. I don't want to be in my 30's having children.. I can't have children at that age and would rather not say why.

Public Comments

1. travel and you will find someone.
2. Please forgive me if I sound like I'm talking down to you, I don't mean to, and I'm serious. As an older woman, may I make a suggestion? Right now, look to the future when it comes to a career for yourself. Don't start worrying about "ending up alone" at so young an age. If I had it to do all over again, I would put guys on the back burner and find a career that inspired me. There is lots of time for guys, and believe me, please, God's choosing and timing will be vastly superior to anything we could come up with. Loneliness should never drive anyone into a relationship. Allow God to guide you, in all things, and especially, stay with Christian men. A person who does not believe in God....what possible foundation could you ever build on? Best wishes to you, I know everything will turn out fine if you trust Jesus for your future.
3. seek ye first the kingdom of God and HIS Righteousness. All these things will be added unto you. Strive to be complete in The Lord where he supplies your emotional needs. Then if he sends a good man along you won't be desperate for Love and make another mistake.
4. Why do you feel you need to date a christian? You need to meditate on why you feel that need. Because I am a 19 year old guy, tall and smart, who is a good guy but not really a christian. spiritual, but non christian. email me if ya want.
5. Broaden your horizons. Don't stay bound within your religion. I know you want your belief respect for that, but you need to really examine why you have this belief in the first place, and how it is affecting your love life.
6. Girl, you are trying to rush things! Drop your personal agenda and focus on God. He has someone perfect for you! Take it from me, I married a non-believer thinking it wouldn't matter and for the first few years it was fine, but boy, you sure make life difficult down the road. If you could see all the pain and anguish it caused me because I didn't want to be alone either!! Your main issue is "not wanting to be alone". You have GOT to let God fill this feeling of VOID and not depend on a boyfriend to give you those happy feelings. Seriously, you sound just like me 10 years ago! Trust that God has someone picked out for you and be patient!!!
7. Dating is not really nessessary to find your soulmate. God has somone for you and will bring you together in His time. Just have faith and trust Him. I got married at 22 with my soul mate that God brought me without even looking. He showed me without a doubt this was the person i was going to marry before we went on our first real date. :) When you get the one, God will also have plans for you 2, and he will provide your every need if you trust Him and dont try to take things into your own hands. We have been married now for 2 years.
8. Being christian means being christlike. Christ befriended all people, not just the ones like him. Look farther afield. There are many people out there who are more - christlike - than any christian I have ever met, but they don´t label themselves as such. Look for the person not the label.
9. First, why the rush? Sample the selection a little before getting married. Second, marry a good person - that person doesn't have to be a Christian.
10. Maybe this answer is too "christian" for you. You know, maybe you heard this answer a million times but I'll tell you this way. I see you're looking at the whole picture...getting married and have a family, and if you want that, you need to wait. God has someone for you and it doesn't matter how small your town is. Believe me, just concentrate on what you have going now, and let the rest happen by itself.
11. take the time off, and don't be in such a hurry...
12. I don't think anything is wrong with being passionate about one's faith but some people are passionate in a very awkward way and I can relate to what you say about people being too "preachy or goody goody". Don't know about this one. If you don't want to leave town you could just get out a lot and talk to as many guys as you can until you eventually find your needle in a haystack.
13. I am a 25 year old Christian woman. Don't put the pressure on yourself to look for that future husband everywhere you go! I think that is the worst thing you could do to yourself, and ultimately sets you up for failure. Just take life easy, don't stress about having to be engaged by the time you are 21, remember GOD is ultimately in control. Your future husband will be there when you least expect!!!! I know, it happened to me, and I have been happily married for 4 years. (sorry sounds like an informercial)
14. Relax. God is in control, isn't He? When the time is right, the one you should marry will show up. Could be tomorrow, could be 5 years from now. Let God make this decision.
15. Just find a guy with good morals why is so important that he has the same belief as you? if u could find a man with good morals and respects the fact that u are a good christian woman who would want to raise their children that way he would respect that.
16. First of all, what is your rush? You are so young so why put a deadline on when you want to be engaged by? As another Christian myself, we both know it is in God's timing, not ours. And no, I am not a "preachy Christian" and would never want to date one either. You are truly so young with a whole life ahead of you. I have found that God's timing has been perfect, though it wasn't always my timing. In fact, there were many times that I was so mad at God for His timing, and yet, it really was for the best. I am much older than you and have realized, often the hard way, that life is not to be rushed, but instead, to be cherished. Even in your so-called "small town of 15,000", there may be the perfect man for you. You will never meet him however if you are setting there lofty goals and timeframes for yourself. You could be so quick to settle for someone just because it was in your timeframe, and ultimately pass up the one you were truly meant for. Lastly, you say you have been single for 2 weeks. That is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You learn a lot about life when you are on your own. Learn to be happy with yourself and have the best relationship with your own self before you start rushing out to try and find someone.
17. Christianity A follower of Christ. Faith in God to do what he said he would do. He ask us to seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added unto you. God should be your focus. If you never meet a man of your choosing will you give up on God? The Bible says a man that finds a wife finds a good thing not a woman that finds a man. What is a virtuous woman. Proverbs 31:10-31.
18. I respect and share your belief about dating Christians. What concerns me is your vision of being "engaged at 21". Sounds like you may be forgetting that you need to put yourself in God's hands if you want to receive the gifts he wants you to have. Would you rather be engaged at 21 to the man that just happens to be handy when you're 20 OR would you rather be married to the man that God's knows is best for you at 24 (or even 34)? Please read I Corinthians 7, Paul's message about marriage and singleness. Right now, you are blessed with a gift that you may never have again. Because you are single, you have the ability to focus entirely on God. Paul talks about the problems associated with "divided loyalties". Married people must divide their loyalties between their spouse (and family) and God...a single person can devote his or herself to God and make a difference in the lives of people in a way that a married person could never do. Right now, if you devote yourself to following where the Lord leads you, you could find yourself traveling around the world helping people after natural disasters or providing food and medical services or building mission schools or whatever God wants for you. You might find yourself a world-famous Christian recording artist, a youth group leader with the ability to influence young people to follow your footsteps, or any number of other things...I found myself teaching at a university and helping to create an online church. Don't divide your loyalties between God and your desire for a husband/family. Focus on him and give him the opportunity to show you what you can do with your gifts...at 18, you have only a vague idea what kinds of gifts God might have given you. Focus on "finding yourself", but not through the traditional methods...find yourself in God darlin'! ...as for the benefit, I've been blessed to witness some amazing marriages created by God when people finally decide to give their desires to him and focus on using their gift of singleness to serve him. God's plans for you are more wonderful than you can possibly imagine...he promises this throughout the bible. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" is one of my favorite verses. Give your desire for a husband to God and ask him what you can do to prepare yourself so you're ready when you meet the man God would have you marry. He has the power to lead two people together if they are both focused on following him! I've seen this in the lives of people I know who have the kind of unity in marriage that most people can't even imagine! This is what God wants for you...doesn't that sound better than "engaged at 21"???
19. I don't know exactly what you call a super christian. But, if you're talking about someone who is trying to live by the bible, reads their bible all the time, talks about Jesus all the time, etc. I see nothing wrong with that. I call that a normal christian. And when you say you're normal. Do mean normal like the world is? I know I will not be voted with the best answer, but I have to tell the truth. I pray that you become a super christian. God will reward you for it. Pray to God for Him to show you who He wants you to be. The bible says that we're bought with a price. That we are not our own. And as far as a new guy...pray for the Lord to send you one that He wants you to have.
20. Hi, Don't be afraid of the future; hey, I saw your post and I even started writing my reply to you and I kept having trouble with what to say and then cancelling it and starting again - this is my third try. Put simply, you are NOT alone in this. (ignore my avitar - its my husbands, I'm female) I know exactly what you are saying - I'm now 51, but trust me, I understand. I ended up marrying a guy who really does believe in God - he's very Biblically literate, and is about as "Christian" as you can get - but he's not the conservative type - he has long hair, wears bluejeans and plays guitar in a band (and records). I am non-denominational, which is good because you aren't gonna get my hubby out of bed and into a Church on any morning, trust me....and I don't want to go to any of the Churches - they don't have able teachers to teach Scriptures, they are so steeped in tradition that I wonder if they even know whats Scriptural and what isn't anymore. The people make me feel so uncomfortable - even though they would be smiling and treating you ever so kindly, they still cause this atmosphere that screams "holier than thou". I feel so incredibley out-of-place there - I don't even like gospel music, I like Pink Floyd. And a guy who's a "super Christian" would be creepy as hell to me; yuk, I don't think I could deal with that AT ALL. The truth is, that I'm not holier than thou, and I sin all the time and there's nobody on Earth that appreciates having a Savior than me - and I don't feel like pretending anything else, quite frankly. And esspecially I don't want to go through that pretending, when its for what? I don't know what denomination you're from, but we were brought up Catholic, and it was a "mass", not teaching Gods Word. It doesn't take too smart a person to figure out that if you're going to Gods House, you should be hearing about what GOD SAYS while you're there - not what some Pastor or Priest says, not what the Pope reports, and not what the church quarterly says, but Gods Word. If I were to go to a Church and the meat of Gods Word was being taught, I'd be okay with that: but its not. They never seem to get passed Salvation, Baptism, and the ten commandments. I'm not taking from these at all, but geez a person should be able to pretty well grasp them in the first few weeks of going to Church - then it should be on to the meat of Gods Word that sustains and grows a person into a useful vessel to do the Fathers Work; but no, just more baby milk for people who are never allowed to grow. Its a shame, really. Gods Word is so facinating. You may as well face the fact that there's no way you're gonna be happy living 24/7, not to mention sharing a bed - with a guy you would call a "super christian" - you'll go crazy in a month, guaranteed. If I were you, I'd just relax and live your life - when the right man comes along, you'll know it - and it always happens when you're NOT looking, ya know? If you meet a guy who believes in God and who is honest and motivated (you don't wanna live in poverty, either) and you really enjoy being with him, thats WAY better than being stuck with a guy who acts like he's husband of the year in church once a week then acts just the opposite when you get home - and believe me, those types of church going men are everywhere. I didn't mean to be so wordy, but look, if you get fed up with the Church, whatever you do DON'T throw the baby out with the bathwater. Its not absolutely necessary in order that you be a "good" Christian, that you demand as part of your criteria for a mate, that he be a regular church goer - You really aren't alone, there are countless numbers of us who have Christ at the very head of our households, yet do not attend church. There's no way I'd want to get bored to death with a mate who was like a church robot; its just not for me, and it sounds like its not really for you, either. I'm not in any way trying to steer you away from your church, I'm only saying that you don't have to demand the same from a mate. Often times God uses us in very different ways - maybe for you its for one thing, but for your mate, God has a different plan - and maybe that plan doesn't involve the Church you go to. We have to stay plyable so that the Lord can use us. My hubby plays guitar in a band, and through that he has countless opportunities to help alot of people - he's gotten young people interested in learning to play lead guitar rather than to sit around and get high on dope all day, get it? I don't interfere with the path God has him on - its great. But for me, I have my nose in the manuscripts for great periods of time - being a student and a teacher of them - and so my hubby is patient and gives me the space I need to do my thing - we love and respect each other, and even though we married and became one, we are still two separate entities and so we respect each other's path and don't interfere - we are very supportive of each other. When we met, we knew in about 15 minutes that both of our lives just changed and nothing was ever gonna be the same for either of us. When you find the right one, you both will be willing to move mountains to be together. Be single, enjoy life, and whatever you do, don't be "shopping" for a husband - let it happen naturally. It will, I promise. God is our Heavenly Father - he's the closest relative we have - so talk to Him! A little bit of divine intervention couldn't hurt, ya know? I've blabbed long enough - Good luck to you; you are smart and right to stay within the Christian belief for a mate, simply because it makes common sense to live with someone who believes in Jesus Christ, period. I wouldn't sway from that one bit no matter what anyone said, or you'de be asking for unnecessary trouble later on... You sound like a very grounded, sensable individual, so you already are on the right road - common sense is very hard to find nowadays. Just relax and don't make going to church a mandatory criteria for a husband, and you'll do fine. God bless you, rt